The other day my sweetie let me have it for something he did not approve of: I let my ex-beau pick up the dogs at our house for a dog walk (which Russ has repeatedly asked me not to do). 

My guy was upset for a variety of reasons so we were talking it out.  Among other things, he looked for reassurance that I wouldn't ever have a physically intimate relationship with my ex again.

"I really don't see that happening," I said.  (I know not to say "never," since that word often involves resistance, and flowing resistance is a fabulous way to invite it in.)  

As I gave serious consideration to Russ' inquiry and thought about the unlikelihood of a future sexual rendezvous with my ex, I realized that now the two of us were thinking about said rendezvous - and we all know what thoughts lead to. 

Especially thoughts driven by strong emotion!

What popped out next did NOT help: "Well, I don't see it happening ... unless you keep focusing on it."

Oh, boy. 

Even if Russ doesn't completely believe in the law of attraction, he knows I do.  And he did not like where I was going with it.

Which meant I was now in the hot seat for justifying my (theoretical) "bad behavior" on Russ' vibration.  He was exasperated at the thought that I would have an affair and blame it on him because his fears brought it about.

If he understood energy the way deliberate creators do, he would know that makes perfect sense.  Wouldn't he?

But his argument got me thinking ...

I wondered how many law of attraction-savvy folks let themselves off certain hooks by saying something like "Well, if you weren't vibrating it, it wouldn't have happened."

Like the couple times I've been stiffed by clients.  My ego wants to blame them for not following through on promises to pay, while the more rational part of me knows I can't experience something I'm not vibrationally lined up with.  I'm not a victim of "non-payers."  Rather, I'm responsible for what happens in my world.  Including not getting paid. 

One of my girlfriends who is familiar with the law of attraction basics has been known to tell family members that she is not responsible for their happiness and well-being.  (She usually reminds them of that after she's late for Thanksgiving dinner or insulted the intelligence of her sister's kids.) 

Her family has come to think of the law of attraction as a big excuse for someone to shirk what they are really responsible for.

When I hear about her exchanges, it sounds a little harsh that my friend says and does things she knows upsets her family, and then tells them it's their own fault for being upset.  She reasons that because they can choose how they feel, why don't they choose something that feels better than "upset"?

I get the logic, but something about that doesn't sit quite right.

And yet there I was ready to blame Russ for a potential affair I might have with my best friend.  (Although, it's not an affair if you're not married, right?  Anyway ...)

All of this has made me question ... what are we responsible for?

In sorting this out, my conclusion is yes, we are indeed responsible for what happens in our world.  And we are continually CO-CREATING with others. 

So Russ can't manifest my steamy hot night with an ex unless I (and my ex) are lined up with that.  I can't manifest longstanding receivables unless clients are dialed into not paying.  Family members don't get irreverent daughters showing up late for dinner unless everyone's flowing a common vibe on it.

It's the beauty of how Universe syncs up like vibrations. 

When we're happy, we attract people and circumstances that reinforce that feeling.  When we're disappointed, we attract the people and circumstances who are capable of reinforcing our disappointment. 

Rather than vibrating me into bed with an ex (ooh, kinky) it's probably more likely that if I'm vibrating fidelity while my sweetie is vibrating worry about my infidelity, then our dissimilar vibrations wouldn't allow us to stay in close proximity. 

Either we'd fall away from each other, or one of us is going to learn the other's vibration.

You know which option I'm going with, right?  ;)

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic.  How have you noticed others' vibrations affecting you?  And where do you place the responsibility for what that leads to?

This excerpted story by Dan Wetzel comes from the Yahoo Sports page. 

I've shared it with clients this week because of the inspiration the last two sentences offer for being able to view a challenging or discouraging situation from a more empowering point of view. 

The bolded sections are my favorite parts (including finding a positive perspective, purposeful appreciation, and incorporating strong expectations). 

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

TAMPA, Fla. – Sean McHugh had just bought his family’s first house in suburban Detroit.

He’d just found out his wife, Ashlee, was pregnant with their second child, a daughter to go along with their then-18-month-son, Jack – though the excitement was tempered due to some early complications with the pregnancy.

The good news was McHugh had just survived final cut day with the Detroit Lions, meaning he was all but assured another year in professional football. He hoped to start at fullback and would play for the league minimum – about $520,000 for his experience level.

But just before the first practice in September, he was summoned to the office of team president Matt Millen. He knew the drill.

“When they come get you and Matt wants to talk to you, it’s never a good thing,” McHugh said. “You just have a sinking feeling. You walk through the locker room, up a flight of stairs and you just think, ‘What the heck is going on?’ ”

What was going on was that he got cut, fired, laid off by Detroit. The team had signed someone else and to make room, McHugh was out.

Just like that, Sean McHugh was deemed not good enough to play for the lowly Lions, who would go winless – the first 0-16 season in league history.

If you’re not good enough to play for the worst team ever, who exactly are you good enough to play for?

“What are we going to do?” he thought.

How about play in the Super Bowl?

Within days of Detroit cutting him, he unexpectedly signed with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Four months later he finds himself here preparing for a shot at an NFL championship against the Arizona Cardinals.

Cut by the worst team, McHugh may wind up part of the best.

“That’s the thing I’ll never understand,” he said. “They didn’t think I was good enough to be on the worst team in the history of the NFL, but the people here think I’m good enough to help the team out and play in the Super Bowl.

“I go from getting cut from the Detroit Lions and thinking life’s over and flash-forward and now you’re getting ready to play for a Super Bowl.”

There’s never been a story like McHugh’s in the NFL because there’s never been a team as bad as the Lions this season. This isn’t just worst to first, it’s worst-ever to first.

“You go from the lowest low to the highest high,” he smiled.

McHugh is a blue-collar guy from outside of Cleveland. He knows how fortunate he is to play a single down in the NFL, let alone parts of four seasons with his current salary. He’s hesitant to compare his situation to the estimated 2.6 million Americans who lost their jobs in 2008.

He wasn’t living check to check. He was pursuing a dream. He gets it.

Still, getting fired is getting fired. The fact he’s never had more than a one-year deal means he has more in common with the fan in the stands than many of his mega-millionaire teammates.

“It’s not like I have money set away so I can spend the rest of my life not working,” he said. “We’ve been smart and lived within our means and saved so we have a cushion. But it’s a very real possibility that that money is going to run out.

“One of the hardest things you have to deal with [is] failing and feeling that you’re not good enough,” he said. “It’s a whole series of emotions.

McHugh contemplated his future. Was his career over at 26? Or could he catch on somewhere else? He had a bad ankle so the prospects weren’t good. Besides, was bouncing all over best for a young family? McHugh had long thought about becoming a high school coach; was this reality forcing a decision?

Ashlee, he said, helped him look at it in a positive way. They had college degrees. They were healthy (the pregnancy has progressed fine). Something would work out.

That night the phone rang. It was McHugh’s agent.

“Hey, the Steelers want to bring you in and check you out,” the agent said.

Three days later he was signed for the season. He’s been mostly a reserve fullback, making the most of his chances, doing the dirty work of blocking. He’s marveled at the culture of success that the Steelers organization has established.

“There is an expectation when you become a Pittsburgh Steeler that you’re going to win,” he said. “And anything less than that is not acceptable. In Detroit it was like you were hoping to win.”

Only as the season played on, no matter how hard they hoped, Detroit didn’t win. Week after week as Pittsburgh experienced success, McHugh’s old team dealt with failure. He looked on with mixed emotions.

It’s a little bit of redemption, a little bit of success in the face of distress; a little bit about remembering that what appears to be the worst thing can turn out to be the best.

“A door closed,” McHugh said, “and a world opened.”

I have to admit that although I pride myself on being open to new possibilities (and thus new realities), there are some things that even I take for granted. 

For example, that microwaved food is not healthy.  And that deep breathing is.  That sleeping with the tv on is not a good habit, and that giving to charity is.

I mean, there are some things we can always count on, right?  Those things are the "givens" in our world.  It's what we KNOW.

Sometimes, though, what we KNOW doesn't serve us.  And when that's the case, it's important to remember that nothing's set in stone.

Lately, it seems, there's been a lot of evidence that reminds me to question what I "know."

Including Garrett Gunderson's Killing Sacred Cows, where he says many things we financial planners were taught as rock solid truths actually don't serve the average investor. 

Gunderson's argument was so convincing that I started rethinking investment principles I've assumed true for decades.  (Including that regular savings, added up over time, benefiting from the power of compound interest growth, is a super solid investment strategy.

Maybe, maybe not.

My world was turned even more upside down after reading an article outlining several important medical benefits from indoor tanning.  (Health benefits from tanning beds?!  I gotta say I like it!)

Late last year I heard a very credible doctor tell me the best way to lose weight was to get more sleep.  (Which fit perfectly with the "I lose weight while I sleep" mantra I'd just created.) 

Fellow coach Zoe Routh recently introduced me to a resource designed to improve health by correcting the "over oxygenation" most people experience. 

There's such a thing as too much deep breathing??   

Is nothing sacred?

Apparently not.  Last year I was talking to a highly esteemed scientist (his title too complex to remember right), and he said that there is no real evidence that microwaves are  bad for us.  I'd chalk him up to crazy, if I hadn't recently heard that 31,000 scientists have signed their name to a petition denying global warming.

What about eating salads, right?  We all know leafy greens are good for us - the more the better!  "A salad a day" was what I was taught to strive for. 

And yet, at the Chopra Center's "Perfect Health" week retreat, I learned through ayurvedic study of my imbalanced doshas that I needed to stop eating salads and instead eat heavier foods (like sour cream, guacamole, mm!). 

What else do we know for sure?  That terrorists attacked the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001?  Don't be so sure.

Kim Falconer's explanation of reality served to scramble even more ideas about what's real and what's not.  (Thanks for a scientific perspective I can understand, Kim!)

I don't share these various examples to suggest we stop saving or recycling or exercising or breathing deeply, but rather to just to remind us to question what "realities" we'd change if we could.

Because, indeed, we can.

Michael Neill's recent newsletter got my attention.  Not just because I'm a fan of both Michael and Katie, but also because I, too, regularly encourage people to find a perspective that feels better.

Often clients hear that request (to find a better feeling perspective) as instruction to "deny reality."  But the truth is that there's no such thing as black and white "reality."  All there is is our perspective of the world, which is what creates our "truth."

If we find a different angle from which to view the world, we can find a better way to feel about it.  And that changes everything.

Here's the story Michael shared while making the case for purposely shifting from victim role to creator role (which is how we transform "bad news"): 

The other day a client I'll call Dale said to me "Can you believe what's going on with the economic stimulus package?"

When I said I could, he said "I mean, it's like both sides are putting scoring political points ahead of taking care of the country."

After nodding my head in agreement to this and a few more statements like it, I finally asked him what it was about the possible accuracy of his observation that was causing him to act like a victim of it.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "Are you implying that I'm NOT a victim of this? After all, I didn't create this - I don't even have a mortgage. But my business is still suffering for it. If anyone's a victim of this economy it's me!"

I then told him a story about the foibles of living in a victim culture.

A few years back, Byron Katie was a guest on a show I was hosting. As she likes to do, rather than be interviewed she chose to work with callers. The first woman who called in unfolded her story hesitantly, and it was a horrific one. She had been kept in a cage as a child, and was subject to many of the things you would expect someone who was kept in a cage to have been subject to.

After about ten minutes with Katie, this woman had found a peace with her childhood experience that had eluded her for nearly thirty years. While as a child she had been an innocent victim, as an adult she was able to let go of that victim status and reclaim her rightful place as the creator of her experience and the owner of her life. And then, much to my surprise, the phone calls started coming. Rather than congratulate Katie on the awesome shift she had been able to facilitate in this woman, person after person (some of them proudly declaring themselves as therapists and counselors) denounced Katie for "making it OK" for this woman to be free of the past she had carried with her for most of her life. 

What this story points to is both our cultural tendency to see ourselves as victims (and in so doing create a world filled with villains and heroes), and the potential any one of us has IN ANY MOMENT to make different choices and create a completely different experience of being alive.

The minute you make the shift from victim to creator, what's happening in the world stops being bad news (or even good news) and becomes instead simply information - information you can use to make informed decisions about what you want to create moving forward.

I think three things are important here:

1. to become aware when we're in victim mode,
2. to ask ourselves what payoff, if any, we get from that role (so we can release it) and
3. to develop skills of neutralizing "bad news" in order to align vibrationally to what we say we want.

This post is long enough, so I'll leave it at that for now.  Thanks to Michael for sharing such valuable insight, and as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.  :)

Yesterday Russ came home to find me in tears because of a little injured bird outside my office window I'd spent much of the day trying not to worry about.

But worry was virtually all I did. 

Although she was alert and eating just fine, she couldn't maintain her balance and could barely hop a few inches across the snow to dry ground under a bush. 

All day I wondered what had happened to her, what I could do to help, wondered what would happen to her.  Trying to make peace with something I didn't know how to help.

I phoned the vet, the aviary, a friend at the Humane Society.  I called in angels (for both of us).  I brought the cat inside.  I asked fellow tweeters for suggestions, and then requested some long distance reiki be sent.  I put food & water within closer reach to her.  I wouldn't let Russ park in the garage because I was afraid he'd frighten her when he drove by.

I was a wreck over this little bird.

With that in mind, I can't imagine witnessing the damage done by the Australian bush fires. 

In fact, I've purposely not tuned in to the details of what's happened there. 

Someone emailed photos of "thirsty koalas," which were heartbreaking to realize what trouble these amazing creatures must be in to seek human help.  I saw the video clip of the firefighter rescuing Sam.  And I heard a human death toll at 118.  But other than running across that information by mistake, really, I haven't kept up to speed with what's happening.

Mostly because it seems a lot to bear.  I mean, I'm the girl falling to pieces over the little bird. 

How to make peace with what Australia is experiencing with these unprecedented fires?

It feels a lot to ask.

And yet we've been asked.

Someone requested I post about the Australian fires in order to harness the positive energy of this blog community, and to get strong vibes sent to the neighborhood that could use them now.  To help Aussies (and those across the globe watching) come to terms with the sadness and shock so many feel.

My first thought was that I don't post on topics that draw the energy down.  You won't find me writing about political wranglings or celebrity gossip or how bad the economy is.  After all, we're focused on what we want more of, right?  We know how to put our attention on what we want, which means we usually have to learn not to follow mass consciousness.

And yet ... something about that feels a little .. resistance-y.

It reminds me of when a clairaudient woman gave me a reading years ago and said, "No wonder you have such huge walls up.  You feel the pain of the planet and of mass consciousness."  She said the walls were how I avoided feeling others' suffering.

Which doesn't seem very .. well, my Mexican ex-fiance would say .. "That's not very 'white' of you."  (Yes, these are the colorful phrases burned inside my memory forever.  And I love that about me.  And my ex.)

Anyway ... law of attraction savvy people don't have to hide their heads in the sand about all the "bad news" flowing these days. 

We don't have to plug our fingers in our ears, singing "la la la" in order to avoid hearing the fears of our co-workers.  We don't have to avoid the news at all costs, afraid that if we hear a snippet here or there we'll get dragged along for the ugly ride.

I guess, to me anyway, it just doesn't feel quite right to say "that's your gig, not mine," completely detaching from a fellow being's challenge.  Because we're all in this together, aren't we?

And because we can help.

With this post I'm soliciting your best ideas about how to do that. 

• We know we don't help by joining another in their pain and suffering.  But perhaps we can alleviate some of their pain by offering compassion and sending love.
• It probably doesn't help to see the situation as "pain and suffering" either, since that perspective just creates more of those vibes.  Perhaps we can see things in a way that creates light and healing.
• We also know that praying for something as if it didn't already exist just perpetuates the absence of it.  So a helpful step might be sending prayers that are filled with the feelings we want for Australia and her inhabitants.

Maybe we know how to be in the presence of death and destruction without resisting it.  Maybe, together, we can alleviate the stress worn by a handful of fellow beings, and ease their burden with our simple presence of love and acceptance.

I'm inviting your thoughts because I suspect we've much to learn on this topic, myself especially included.

When my little bird was in trouble, or at least when I thought she was in trouble, I reminded myself that nothing really dies.  That we have the highest guidance along our journey.  That we are never alone, and that good things are always happening.

Even in this economy.  Even in this brush fire. 

Then I had a good cry which helped move the negative energy I'd been flowing, and allowed me to find my way to peace again.

Which is when my bird disappeared.  I went out with a flashlight but couldn't find her anywhere.  Very curious, I thought, that the bird who couldn't hop more than a few inches went a.w.o.l. 

I wondered if my worry had kept her stuck in place, and after my good cry she was able to move on.

But later that night Russ found her, picked her up in a soft towel, and placed her in the cat carrier.  She spent the night in the quiet warm upstairs guest bedroom.  Today she's at the local bird rescuer's place, on the mend and looking forward to a spring release.

Things always work out, don't they?  They always have and always will.  Time proves that out.  And it seems to work out best when we support each other with love and whatever other good vibes we can conjure up.

So here's to sending the good vibes to our Aussie neighbors.  You are not alone; we are with you; and much love is coming your way.

Namaste.

"Why not me?"

That's the question I happened to hear in two different client sessions this week. 

One client asked it with an air of hope and optimism; the other with a sense of despair and frustration.

It struck me how the same words, the same question, had such different vibrations associated with it.

Why not ME??

Why NOT me?

hee hee - I  love how this deliberate creation work calls for a willing awareness of the energy flowing amidst all these words.

The "why not ME??" client was focused on how things seemed to be happening for others but not for her.  She felt overlooked and falling behind.  (Until we refocused, of course, which she quickly engaged.)

The "why NOT me?" client could see lots of reasons why things should be and could be coming together for him.  He could have been singing the "future's so bright, I have to wear shades" song.  His energy felt like it was a no-brainer that success would find him.

So my question to you:

How does your question feel?  Are your words encouraging an empowering feeling within?  Or a limiting one?  Are they positive, or are you headed for trouble with them? 

Pay attention .. and celebrate your ability to fine tune your way through this manifesting process.

Fun stuff, huh?!