Expanding Your Repertoire

(crossposted from LOA for the Real World)

After eight years of piano lessons, you'd think I'd be pretty good at playing, wouldn't you?

Actually, I am. Or rather, I am really good at playing two songs. That's it. They're the only two songs I kept playing after I stopped lessons as a teenager.

When I play these two songs, I sound REALLY good. Like a gifted pianist. It's pretty impressive! (Or at least I like to think so.)

But ask me to play anything else and I'm lost. I actually won't even attempt it any more, because it ruins my fantasy of being talented.

I thought about this as I've been giving clients the example lately of a girlfriend who has practiced misery so well she can turn any situation into a reason to be miserable. (She's doing it right now, as a matter of fact, because I won't pick up the phone to hear her complain about her brother.)

Any self-respecting girlfriend would drop me as a friend. But since she's doing the misery tune and I fit perfectly into that song of hers (since I won't listen to her complain), she uses me as another reason to be miserable. Yes, she's gifted at "miserable."

Her story is that she was miserably married for 14 years, got a divorce, then was miserably single, then started dating, then was miserably dating (that was really miserable), then got a boyfriend (fabulous guy), then was miserable because she wanted to be married to this guy, then got married (after dating four months), then was miserable because the family integration was challenging, then got counseling for that (which helped), then was miserable because the honeymoon was over WAY too fast in her opinion, then was miserable because her parents like him more than they like her, then was miserable because ...

That's her tune. Miserable.

I tell clients until we practice the vibration we want, it won't matter WHAT happens in our lives. If we only know a small repertoire of vibrations, we can't experience any others.

We have to practice the vibration we want FIRST, before we have a "real life" reason to sing that tune. We have to expand our repertoire by practicing the feeling(s) we want.

I realized I can stop using my girlfriend (whom I love dearly) as an example because I have my own example.

Years ago when I quit my job to start coaching, I was stressed out because I had no clients and thus no income. (I was still holding the belief that I had to earn money. Can't say I've dropped that one 100% yet - but making good progress.)

Anyway, I was stressed out for having no clients, then stressed out because I had only a few clients, then stressed out because I had all the clients, but wasn't sure there would be more in the future, then was stressed out because I continually had too many clients than I could fit in my schedule.

I went from where I was (no clients) to where I wanted to be (successfull coach) without my vibration changing one iota. Okay, maybe an iota, but not enough to really notice the difference.

I was stressed out from start to finish. Because I hadn't practiced anything but "stressed out." That's all I knew.

It started in my corporate world with a management change, and I didn't do anything to manage my vibration other than quit my job, which I thought would change how I felt. As you just read, that didn't happen for me.

Taking the action, changing the circumstances, making things happen isn't what makes us feel better!

Changing how we feel is what makes us feel better; outside circumstances don't do that. They can't. I don't care how many times we get married, or quit our job, or pay off our debts, or lose ten pounds ... it isn't the "thing" that makes us feel better. You make you feel better. Nothing and nobody else can.

So if we don't practice a new feeling, we'll never get to it.

The new song I'm learning next? How to be happy in a long term relationship where we live under one roof and expect that's a wonderful, beautiful, rewarding thing. Because we are house hunting right now, so it's time for me to get good at this one.

Luckily I know how to practice new vibes.

Otherwise, you KNOW the posts you'd be reading about next, right? Right. I'm not playing that song.

Instead I'm playing the one where I am so glad to have learned enough about myself and myself-in-relationship that I know how to be flexible and appreciative and focusing on what matters and considerate of my partner and believing that everything works out deliciously. And how nice it is to truly be in an intimate partnership where we know, love and support each other in ways neither of us has ever experienced before. Delicious!!

So, anyone who cares to join me in expanding their repertoire, I'd love to hear what new vibration you're practicing, so that your next success feels as good as you expect it to. Maybe even better.

Namaste.